Our First Visit

In my last post about adoption plans I mentioned we had a visit scheduled for baby D’s mom and dad the day after Christmas. I had been worried about giving her parents my number but from the time we left court that day until Monday at 3:00 pm they had not called. They called Monday just before the visit to let me know they were on their way and to make sure I would still be there. We were getting ready to head out for the visit so I said I’d see them shortly.

We met at a local McDonald's that had a play area so that the older kids could run around and they could visit with the baby and that we could all eat and visit. Bio mom, bio dad, bio brother, his girl friend and her daughter came. Her daughter was 3 so it worked out really well because Miss M had a friend to play with. Dude had a friend with him as well, so that was nice he just played but did get to meet them. He still hasn’t really asked any questions, but I did explain to him that Bio Mom carried baby D in her tummy just like I carried him and that her Bio Dad is just like his dad. I really struggled to explain that. It is much easier to say the mom is the one who carried in tummy but how do you explain dad when he has very limited concept of where babies come from.

They brought some gifts for the three kids, so that my older two wouldn’t feel excluded and I was happily surprised that they thought of that. I thought it was very sweet and thoughtful.

Her bio dad has usually been very quiet and stand offish, letting bio mom take the lead. But, he reached out his arms and held her immediately and also fed her yogurt. He was still pretty quiet, but interacted with her quite nicely. Bio brother 2 (second oldest son of mom) really paid a lot of attention to her and wanted to hold her a lot. She happily shuffled between then three of them most of the visit, just touching base with me every once in a while. I am really happy that she felt secure enough to go to them and let them dote on her. I think maybe part of it is our comfort with them and her familiarity with them from the visits at social services.

I gave them each small presents, a frame with a picture and pictures. For Bio Mom I made a memory box with pictures of baby D mod podged onto it and pictures inside. I got dad a metal tin to keep pictures of the baby in. They got me a hat and scarf.

Bio Mom told me she was really happy with baby D and that she is smart and happy and beautiful and she is thankful that we are doing a good job with her. I feel like most days we are, but it is nice to hear it from her Bio Mom.

Overall, the visit went really well. I think everyone was at ease and I am confident the visits will likely continue. We talked about doing another visit at Easter. I think trying to schedule them close to holidays will make it easy. I do have more pictures that hadn't printed before I was leaving to the visit, so I have to decide if I meet again soon to give them to them or just wait. I kind of want to meet sooner as the prints that I have are a shot of them with her. We'll see.

Here is baby D and her older brother: