Friday, September 11, 2009


I finally decided to write in the blog about our journey to expand our family. Times have been rough here lately as I mourn the third due date I have missed this month from my miscarriages. It has definitely taken its’ emotional toll on me lately. I can only imagine what December/January will be like with all that we went through the last two December/January’s. All this with no real news on getting any further.

I am hoping that the writing about it with help me deal with my feelings.

To start in the present, we are just waiting right now. No real action to be able to take. I decided to call and check on our status for fostering this week even though I knew there would be no update. The news is that while our home study occurred on the 6th of August, our application didn’t get sent off until the 28th of August and this was with not the 5 others we thought, it was with 10 other applications. So, from when they receive it, we can expect it to take 30 business days for review. What a long time! The Social Worker was totally not exaggerating when she said October 31st is when it should finally be final. Of course, then we start with the whole waiting for a placement. Who knew it would take so long when we started the process last year. She joked that people want a kid by Christmas, but realistically she said it will probably be into the New Year until we can really hope to get a placement. The only thing going for us that may help is that we don’t care about race. Funny that she put it into context that we would even take a white kid. Honestly I don’t really care. I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up, but I keep hoping that one Friday while she is on call she will think of us and try to get us expedited because she is on call and thinks we will be perfect. But, I know that won’t happen. This is one of the hardest parts, you can wish and want all day long, but when it really comes down to it, none of that makes a difference. I always seem to get my hopes up, then reality comes crashing down.

To meet and talk with me, you would never really know all that is going on, from the outside we seem like the perfectly happy family of three. I am happy for what I have, really happy. Doesn’t change that I am also really sad for what I don’t have, really sad for the babies that I never got to hold and nurse and take care of. I am thankful that I have a great husband that has been a rock through this journey, who has held me when I cried, who has mostly supported me when I wanted to try more, who has been there for so many procedures. I have the most awesome kid in the whole world, he is just super special. I am thankful that my marriage has survived and strengthened through our journey. I know the toll infertility can take on marriages and ours survived, with a few bumps, but came out stronger.

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