Friday, April 20, 2012

Good Bye's

In my extended foster care support network three foster mom's are saying their good bye's to their foster babies this week and last and I can't imagine. I am one of the ones who hates the question from strangers, "won't you be sad to see them leave". I have no idea the depth of their sorrows, but I do know that it could have just as easily have been me.

Miss M was an adoptive placement, but I still think back over my anxiety level that first year we had her. I was so nervous and anxious and even after the adoption went through, I still was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It never did, but my anxiety was real. I remember asking the SW in September, "they can't take her back away from us right?" This was over a month after the finalization.

Charlie was not placed as an adoptive placement, so there was a real possibility that we could fall in love with her and have to say good bye. My anxiety level was not as high, though. I think part of it was that I couldn't live like that for a year again and needed to live in the moment. Part of it was we had been through a placement before and I was settled in my family thinking if she did have to leave, at least we got to meet this amazing baby and positively impact her and show her unconditional love.

I am not going to lie and say I never had my moments of panic. I am sure most foster parents have. I was getting ready for work one day and we had Toddler Radio playing on Pandora. The song "You are my Sunshine" came on. I think it was the first time that I ever really listened to the lyrics. It sounds like such a happy melody song. But, when I was thinking of Charlie and her being my sunshine and having to say good bye, I started crying. It was if it was really happening and I couldn't control it. Of course, it didn't really happen, but the feeling I had in that moment can't be matched by anything much scarier. I still almost tear up when I think of that song.

Those ladies/families that are saying good bye right now, I don't know how they really feel, not having been through it myself. I know they are feeling a huge loss. They don't say good bye because they want to, they do it because they love the kids they are fostering and they know they are doing the best possible thing for them. They are stronger than most people. I know they also get asked the question about being hard to let the kids go or get told "I don't know how you do it". But, they do. They give these kids a great foundation for their future and hand them off into the sometimes unknown and can only hope for the best, that a family has truly turned around. They grieve deeply when a child leaves their home.


You Are My Sunshine:
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When the skies are grey
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
So please don't take
My sunshine
Away

The other night dear
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
When I awoke dear
I was mistaken
And I held
My head
And cried

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When the skies are grey
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take
My sunshine
Away

Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/r/ricky_nelson/you_are_my_sunshine.htm

3 comments:

aka. "Mimi" said...

"You Are My Sunshine" has always been the "go to" song that my sister uses for my nieces and nephews. I tried to sing it to Monkey once. ONCE. Never again! I broke down in tears.

Mama P said...

Oh, that very song brought me to tears the other night. I was washing the dishes and for whatever reason started singing it, and it reminded me of our Bonesy that was returned to his parents without warning at a scheduled visitation, no goodbyes allowed for us (they didnt even come for his stuff). I dream I hold him in my arms all the time.


Goodbyes suck :(

CandCFamily said...

This song is definitely not for us foster mamas.