Tuesday, April 17, 2012


We haven't seen Charlie's bio-mom since Christmas and have seen her dad only briefly (less than 5 minutes each time) only twice since Christmas when I dropped pictures off for him. When they signed over their rights I really thought we'd do visits at least 2-3 times a year. I was thinking Easter, Labor Day, Christmas. They wanted to see her at least 2-3 times a year. We agreed.
So two weeks before Easter I left a message on bio-grandma's phone, left a message for bio-dad. Bio-mom/grandma have not returned the call and bio-dad skirted around the topic of visitation again. This is the second time. The last time we had talked before that, I said let's schedule a visit and it ended the conversation. This time, he said he needed to get up with bio-mom, find a time, and call me back. I haven't heard from him since. I'm not sure what is going on. Is it they want to just know she is okay? Is it they are too sad to see her right now? I just don't know. I am walking that fine line between pushing too hard for a visit and feeling guilty that I am not pushing hard enough.
My plan this week is to go get some recent pictures done of Charlie and at least drop some in the mail to the address bio-mom gave me and drop some off with bio-dad. I am pretty sure he will at least agree to let me drop pictures off, he has been agreeable to that. That way they can at least have a recent picture of her.
She is such an amazing, sweet, smart little girl. I want them to see how great she is, although I am sure they know it. She is full-blown toddler now, she wasn't walking last time they saw her. She is talking so much more. Sings happy birthday to you every night at dinner.
I just want to feel okay about my role in ensuring their ongoing relationship with her. I want them to see what a special girl she is. I am sure they will come around and we will see them again, I just don't know when.


Rebecca Hawkes said...

This sounds so hard. I think some bio parents don't connect with how much their presence continues to matter, even after even after the termination of their rights. Erica, my daughter's first mom, had a great therapist who really helped her to see that her roll in her children's life was still an important one. I'm so grateful for the way she holds things!

CandCFamily said...

Maybe they don't understand. We are trying to be very encouraging to them. Bio-dad is important because he is almost 60 and has had a hard life, we can't wait until she's an adult to have a relationship or we may not ever get that chance. With M, we don't have a name for bio-dad and bio-mom dropped out of the picture.

Rebecca Hawkes said...

I'm still thinking about this. One thing that comes up for me is the broader question of how adoptive parents can most clearly communicate to bio parents the reasons why they want them (the bio fam) to continue to be a presence in the child's life. I just emailed Erica about this. I'd love to see her address this topic on her blog.