Roles as seen by the Kid

I just was looking through the Dude's take home work and found the CUTEST ever house with flaps and each flap has a person in the house. Then you flip it and he wrote down their roles/chores. 

So I flip hubby's first and wow, what a list. 

Hubby: 

Cooking

Yard Work (we have someone mow cause his allergies, but he keeps up with watering the flowers, planting, etc.)

Laundry (yes ladies be jealous, hubs is the laundry guy)

Fixing Lunch and Breakfast (yes, he fixes lunch and breakfast for the dude Mon-Fri)

Getting me ready (the dude)

Coach

Shopping (and yes ladies, he does the grocery shopping, too). 

After reading his, I wasn't sure I wanted to go on, I mean most of the chores were taken and the dude obviously thinks Hubs does a LOT around the house. Glutton for punishment I am I read on. 

Me: 

Cooking (phew, he realizes that I do cook once in a while)

Cleaning

Getting the girls ready for the day

Taking care of us when we are sick

Vacuum

Okay, so my list is not as big, but he could have added load/unload dishwasher cause I swear I do that 1-2 times a day, the dishes are never ending. 

The Dude wrote for himself: 

Baseball

School (cause we tell him that is his job all the time)

Taking out Recycleables

Sadly, the girls don't have chores yet, but soon.There were cute pictures, too. Like kid laying in bed and words "are you okay", hubs picture with "nice play" and dude saying "I want ice cream" too. 

It is so cool to see how they see us through their eyes.

The Girl's Photo Shoot

I took the girls to get pictures done, they are 1 1/2 and just over 2 1/2 now. Since they seem to be changing so quickly, I wanted to get their pictures done . So here are some of my favorites, very image heavy. 

Just sweetness, I love how they are holding hands: 

So sweet how M is a good big sister, she was really making sure Charlie did exactly as told: 

M was dying to sit in this chair as soon as she saw it, she really guided the photog on what she wanted: 

Miss Charlie looking all sweet and innocent. She is a real spitfire, so don't let that innocent look fool you:

The girls jumping and dancing around together: 

Let them always dance and laugh as carefree as they are here. They love each other so much and are so cute together. I loved watching them sing, laugh, dance, and play while they were getting their pictures done: 

And my favorite! They were so happy and cute and sweet at the end of the session. This is a true representation of my girls. Always talking and telling secrets and laughing together: 

My sweet, sweet girls!

Wordless Wednesday - Sometimes the 2 year old needs Mommy, too

When Court Goes Well

Yesterday was baby Charlie's 6 month permanency planning hearing. The Social Worker called Monday to say I didn't really need to be there, but I had already scheduled it in my work calendar and knew it wouldn't take too long, so decided I would go.  I hesitated on going but then someone said I always go because I want to hear firsthand what is happening. That made complete sense. We only live 6 miles from the courthouse and aside from parking it is very easy to get to.

Most times you sit on the bench just inside the main area not in the gallery, but behind the attorney tables. Once for Miss M I sat at the attorney table and yesterday I sat at the attorney table with the state attorney and the SW. The judge has the opportunity to ask you questions as does the state attorney and the GAL attorney when you do show up.

It was very routine, they wanted to get a status update on the adoption, it is staffed, the next step is to review the adoption home study and the team will need to review our suitability. It is likely to be the same team that reviewed it for Miss M, so that should go well. The placement date will be set and we have 30 days to file from placement date, then we will file and wait our 30-90 days for the court to approve. I am not nervous about that process at all. 

So, onto court. Yesterday was the last day her GAL was going to appear before that judge because he is moving out of state. Let's just say everyone loves this GAL. He is so thorough, nice, caring for the kids, follows all the visitation schedules, and a volunteer, too. We love him and he really cares for all his kids and Charlie. Before we went on record the judge joking ordered that he was not allowed to leave the state of North Carolina, that he had to continue to live here and serve the kids of NC. She said a lot of sweet words about him.

Then we went on record and the SW stated her case of where we were in process, the GAL attorney didn't ask any questions. They asked me how she was doing. Then the judge says, "I recognize you. Did you attend one of the adoption celebrations the county does?". I told her yes I did for my now two year old. (Here's an article from about that day) Funny that she remembered us. Each year the county does a county wide foster care adoption celebration where they hold court and put the courts seal of approval on all adoptions. The judge then asked how many more kids were we going to adopt. I said that if our SW had anything to do with it 1-2 more. I think my hubs would have said "we're good", LOL. 

The next was the GAL offered up his summary that she was doing great in a great home and he was very happy how her case plan was going and court was over. 

It went really well. It is still so amazing to me how we got so lucky to be blessed with these two great adoption stores from foster care. 

Payback

I have a sister that is 18 years younger and you know we are all parenting experts before we have kids. My sister had a few quirks and was always very opinionated. She loved to pick out her own clothes and wear things that were not always appropriate. Read: Size 2T shorts when she was really a size 4/5. I already had a teenage mom complex when I had her out and about with me even though she was my sister, I felt like people assumed I was an unwed teenage mother. So, we'd have disagreements over what she'd wear a lot. I also remember dragging her out of an Old Navy store kicking and screaming. She was loudly protesting, "I want blue shoes!". 

I remember telling my mom, "Why do you let her choose what she wears?" Especially when she was looking like a homeless unkempt kid. I also said, maybe you should lock her closet and not let her have access to her clothes when she was changing 5 times a day. You know, cause I was an 18 year old parenting expert, ha!

Well, now years later, I have a very opinionated 2 year old who thinks she knows what she wants to wear. Let's be honest, she knows what she wants to wear and sometimes I try to steer her in the other direction and occasionally win. Small victories.

Some of her most recent words to me:

I no wanna wear dat!

I wear polka dots!

I no wear-a dose shoes!

I no like-a dat!

Good Bye's

In my extended foster care support network three foster mom's are saying their good bye's to their foster babies this week and last and I can't imagine. I am one of the ones who hates the question from strangers, "won't you be sad to see them leave". I have no idea the depth of their sorrows, but I do know that it could have just as easily have been me.

Miss M was an adoptive placement, but I still think back over my anxiety level that first year we had her. I was so nervous and anxious and even after the adoption went through, I still was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It never did, but my anxiety was real. I remember asking the SW in September, "they can't take her back away from us right?" This was over a month after the finalization.

Charlie was not placed as an adoptive placement, so there was a real possibility that we could fall in love with her and have to say good bye. My anxiety level was not as high, though. I think part of it was that I couldn't live like that for a year again and needed to live in the moment. Part of it was we had been through a placement before and I was settled in my family thinking if she did have to leave, at least we got to meet this amazing baby and positively impact her and show her unconditional love.

I am not going to lie and say I never had my moments of panic. I am sure most foster parents have. I was getting ready for work one day and we had Toddler Radio playing on Pandora. The song "You are my Sunshine" came on. I think it was the first time that I ever really listened to the lyrics. It sounds like such a happy melody song. But, when I was thinking of Charlie and her being my sunshine and having to say good bye, I started crying. It was if it was really happening and I couldn't control it. Of course, it didn't really happen, but the feeling I had in that moment can't be matched by anything much scarier. I still almost tear up when I think of that song.

Those ladies/families that are saying good bye right now, I don't know how they really feel, not having been through it myself. I know they are feeling a huge loss. They don't say good bye because they want to, they do it because they love the kids they are fostering and they know they are doing the best possible thing for them. They are stronger than most people. I know they also get asked the question about being hard to let the kids go or get told "I don't know how you do it". But, they do. They give these kids a great foundation for their future and hand them off into the sometimes unknown and can only hope for the best, that a family has truly turned around. They grieve deeply when a child leaves their home.

You Are My Sunshine:
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When the skies are grey
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
So please don't take
My sunshine
Away

The other night dear
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
When I awoke dear
I was mistaken
And I held
My head
And cried

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When the skies are grey
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take
My sunshine
Away

Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/r/ricky_nelson/you_are_my_sunshine.htm

Visits

We haven't seen Charlie's bio-mom since Christmas and have seen her dad only briefly (less than 5 minutes each time) only twice since Christmas when I dropped pictures off for him. When they signed over their rights I really thought we'd do visits at least 2-3 times a year. I was thinking Easter, Labor Day, Christmas. They wanted to see her at least 2-3 times a year. We agreed.
So two weeks before Easter I left a message on bio-grandma's phone, left a message for bio-dad. Bio-mom/grandma have not returned the call and bio-dad skirted around the topic of visitation again. This is the second time. The last time we had talked before that, I said let's schedule a visit and it ended the conversation. This time, he said he needed to get up with bio-mom, find a time, and call me back. I haven't heard from him since. I'm not sure what is going on. Is it they want to just know she is okay? Is it they are too sad to see her right now? I just don't know. I am walking that fine line between pushing too hard for a visit and feeling guilty that I am not pushing hard enough.
My plan this week is to go get some recent pictures done of Charlie and at least drop some in the mail to the address bio-mom gave me and drop some off with bio-dad. I am pretty sure he will at least agree to let me drop pictures off, he has been agreeable to that. That way they can at least have a recent picture of her.
She is such an amazing, sweet, smart little girl. I want them to see how great she is, although I am sure they know it. She is full-blown toddler now, she wasn't walking last time they saw her. She is talking so much more. Sings happy birthday to you every night at dinner.
I just want to feel okay about my role in ensuring their ongoing relationship with her. I want them to see what a special girl she is. I am sure they will come around and we will see them again, I just don't know when.